I’m a lazy guy at heart. But if it means I’m a bad human being when I’m creasing over farts, which, I class as an art, that would be daft! Especially when you see people in the past, failing class by a grade and a half cos they can’t be arsed, send ‘em all to space and hit them in the face, with an alien shaft. I don’t have a car. So picking up women is quite a task and if I make it from the bar to my cheap boudoir, it’s a cynical miracle we came that far. Get it? Trust me it’s true, looking back on a night that was evidently shite when there’s not much you can do, when you’re out of it, and you’re chatting shit, right? So if it’s getting late and I contemplate to have a key or 8 to make my feet feel great and my eyes dilate like china plates, I think dude do you really wanna die this way? And when I find myself spending money that doesn’t exist put a cog in my brain and try and give it a twist, if I look the same or don’t know my name, honestly I’m probably pissed. If you wanna live like the king of kings, you’ve got to see, not everything, Is gonna be what it appears to be to me. And like puppets hanging from our strings, were pulled along, through society. A fucked up, corrupt, disrupt society. I spy some guys going through a crisis, some with teeth fucked up by gingivitis while some of them haven’t heard of exercises cos they’re more concerned about burger prices, with a stylist who could have been Miley Cyrus, who wouldn’t aim to have an arse twice the size of us, but does, and like puss they’re mindless, Spineless and frankly a virus. But enough about me and the people, we just wanna be seen as equal, maybe you prefer to be seen as a vegan screaming treason from within, I agree its mean all the cattle they be herding in with no chance of a battle they’re just murdering. Are you not worried about the gasses that we’re trapping in? You’re not worried about the consequences are you my friend? So when we walk through fire and hot coals, and you need a ladder to get over pot holes, you’re telling yourself that you’ve definitely got goals more than picking toenails and flicking out snot rolls. Feeling like you’ve been rick rolled. I have and it hurts, god damn it’s a sick world. Live for the benefit, or just for the hell of it, it’s a short life right don’t sit and dwell in it. If you wanna live like the king of kings, you’ve got to see, not everything, Is gonna be what it appears to be to me. And like puppets hanging from our strings, were pulled along, through society. A fucked up, corrupt, disrupt society.

I was brought into this world with my whole life ahead of me, Luckily before it became cool to get a vasectomy. For a while I didn’t mind being short to some degree Now I’m stuck thinking where the fuck is the rest of me? It’s destiny, my genes got the best of me I bet the big mans up there laughing cos he’s only testing me. G are you certainly sure you read the right recepe? cos there’s a few thousand things that I feel I best confess… Well, where do I start? All I know is most blokes dunno how lucky they are, Not to need to use a cushion when they're cruising in a car, not to be a pro at tippy-toeing, I swear it’s an art. Can I make myself clear, I'm not a walking arm rest as I seem to appear, I mean I've pretty much developed me half a fully grown beard, but 23 ain't easy peasy when you're looking like a kid. And man you wouldn’t believe, just how irritating simple things like shopping can be, I’m in Sainsburys, insanely stinking of weed, gonna need a bit of help to reach my favourite treats. When I'm queuing up on the streets, gonna hit the town hard to hear some intricate beats, while the doorman’s talking, my friends just walk in and leave me fishing for my wallet and a proof of ID. And this happens countlessly, so can I grab a free degree in accountancy, what is the fee for an accountant or 3? 'cos I could do without it mathematically. But fashionably Couldn’t us kinda dudes, rustle up something subtle and smooth, something that’s new, preferably blue, like platform shoes, then the people will be trending on my devilish moves. Anything but cowboy boots, myself, in the face I would rather shoot, even then Im probably gonna be losing a foot or two & leave me found underground for an extra few. What good can a young man do? When I'm tweeting what I'm eating from the kids menu, then reheating what I’m leaving cos my deceiving stomach’s gonna plummet feeling like its bleeding beaten black and blue. Cos 2 meals for the price of 1 makes me a winner, I would always promise honest when I was young to eat my dinner, but everytime I see my mum she lets me know I look thinner. I'm still sound, never down, holding up my chin chinna. (Chorus) No I haven’t considered using medical attention, for perfection is not something I feel I need to invest in, if you do, take a close look at your reflection and ask yourself, would you get an erection over 1 Direction? Hah! Nah man, I’m only messin’, but if anyone would like to be involved with my testing, it’s depressing so I suggest that your best feature yet is thick skin, with broad shoulders & tight pecks to a singular flex. Don’t mean to be a little bitch, but I like a moan, been titch since 2006 & hadn't grown, biggin' up my little clones when its time they have a go, 'cos you know we wont be prone to small man syndrome. And even if it was contagious, I'd spend days teaching all mankind to be courageous, I'd be preaching to all men and women of all ages, & my altar would be made out of saved yellow pages. Because 3 inches below regular height makes me short, and this ship that Im sailing I couldn't even abort, I'd need a small plastic stool to help me jump overboard but still dry staying high let me tell what I've been taught (Chorus) In hindsight I’ve blown this whole thing of out proportion, if I died today, and went to heaven ok, I'd swear it was awesome. Say hey & wave through the great white pearly gates to Kurt Cobain, & grab a heaven shake with JFK. But for now with my feet firmly on the ground, what I have found is that my luck is far from down and out, I feel at ease speaking to people as I please, & my great big heart straight away they never doubt. Though I feel that people assume that I’m a nice guy, anything less threatening than being half the majority’s size? Some days I murder a double burger and fries, and never worry about it going to my bum or thighs. It’s all gravy when the ladies call me cutie pie. And past that rock hard shell I know you wanna cry, so be sincere and shed a tear you’re not gonna die! Love a hug, the best drug, I know you cant deny So summing up what I’ve said down to conclusion, there no point in living life based on lies and illusion, hell yeah we will try and time to time there will be losing, but its best stay stay sly this life I am cruising! (Chorus)

Let me throw my thoughts to a couple years back, a single dude about to move into a house from a flat, in fact a huge 14 bedroom mansion to be exact, I couldn’t wait to make a bunch of new friends and then unpack. And on an ordinary day, I drag my lazy arse to work to earn a minimum wage, I’m in a bit of a daze when there’s a girl in my way, I didn’t know this hunny would be moving in today. I’m off to work I say, ok she said, otherwise I’d help and stay, but I’m already late, I’m probably gonna have to wash about a million plates, Sorry, I’m Michael by the way, nice to meet you mate. Fucks sake, I look a hell of a state, I know my deodorant doesn’t last more than a day, my poor little bae dragging like 40 suitcases and crates I hope she wont be crawling up those stairs for days. Ill be ok she said with a smile on her face. Her long blonde mop flopping all over the place. That’s cool okay, well no time to waste, I’m Abigail by the way, and its nice to meet you mate. This is where I met my baby, curves that are crazy the epitome of a lady, after a week we were hanging out daily and soon to be together, one day, maybe. I know folks say don’t shit where you eat, don’t step in your food and get stools on your feet, not me, I’m pretty sure I found my love when she moved upstairs on the 3rd floor above. I know folks say don’t shit where you eat, don’t step in your food and get stools on your feet, not me, I’m pretty sure I found my love when she moved upstairs on the 3rd floor above The inevitable happened, hell yeah, we got together and whenever I’m with her would I endeavor better weather. I could list forever all the things about her I treasure. Like how she’s a fountain of knowledge and hella clever. She will demolish and polish off any word puzzle mountain, candy crush brushed shoulders past level a thousand. She’s literally finished the entire Candy Crush tether. You’d think she has a problem but I know she should be crowned king. Get me a cup to catch this love my heart is spouting, it pumps like a lion cub practicing his pouncing. Its funny how she keeps my world nonstop bouncing, its definitely gotta be something to do with the t’s that she’s pronouncing. She fills me to brim of life I’m never drowning. She’s a spoonful of sugar the medicine goes down in, when ever have you ever seen a guy smile whilst he is frowning? When I fall asleep she’s the sheep I’ve been counting. So glad that I met this piece of inexplicably quality damn fine kind of lady, its crazy we’re lifted higher than Baby and Swayze I know folks say don’t shit where you eat, don’t step in your food and get stools on your feet, not me, I’m pretty sure I found my love when she moved upstairs on the 3rd floor above. I know folks say don’t shit where you eat, don’t step in your food and get stools on your feet, not me, I’m pretty sure I found my love when she moved upstairs on the 3rd floor above

When I was a little boy I always listened to the good stuff, it would stand out clearer than makeup smeared on cotton bud. My eardrum staring down the blaring speaker beating out some killer Cher, I still believe in life after love. I wouldn’t dare let my fathers collection allow a dusty congregation gather up like belly button fluff. It took me by the scruff, and I’d buy the tougher stuff, and sing until I had my fill and vocal chords had had enough. It was only meant to be when young, dumb and kinda G the first album I ever bought was a Marshal Mathers LP, I warned my mum about the parental advisory but promised not to repeat to the beat the F’s the C’s and blinding B’s. I’m coughin’ up Eminem like phlegm again and every track I hear is dear it makes me feel like 10 again, I’d rehearse every verses word from end to end, before the internet the album booklet was an honest friend. The amount of time id spend learning how to pretend to be like all my idols piled into one giant blend, you’ll find me still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie, I’ll be still practicing them trills to keep it groovy, Don’t need pills but could do with a light and a doobie. This is exactly how it should be, kicking back never getting bored but inspired until I’m old and retired wondering about… Although the truth hurts worse than an unexpected, puss infected and neglected dental cavity id rather take the pain and stay as sane as I can be, I’ll stay grounded, but dependent on the worlds supply gravity. Last week I sent a letter to the little me, I said don’t bother reaching for the stars when you could grasp infinity. Keep your friends close, fuck those Pinocchio’s cos we all know his nose is hollow and his hearts made of mahogany. You better get an endoscopy, when you find it hard to swallow promises based upon apologies. We have to move up on this earth like it’s monopoly your legs won’t work, so you struggle horizontally. But not you Michael man, you’re a real boy! That’s why you’ve been put on this earth to fucking destroy! So get in line because its time to join the convoy and live a life besides fine wines and cheese boards. The amount of time id spend learning how to pretend to be like all my idols piled into one giant blend, you’ll find me still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie, I’ll be still practicing them trills to keep it groovy, Don’t need pills but could do with a light and a doobie. This is exactly how it should be, kicking back never getting bored but inspired until I’m old and retired wondering about… How It’s gonna be. Still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie I’ll be, Still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie I’ll be, Still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie I’ll be, Still suckin’ on that song, still suckin’ on that song. Still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie I’ll be, Still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie I’ll be, Still suckin’ on that song filled fruity smoothie I’ll be, Still suckin’ on that song, still suckin’ on that song

I’ve been blessed with incredibly insensitive teeth. It’s a gift from god and man I truly believe that I was born to bite ice before I could speak, I could have been baptized with an icicle treat. I never think twice passing those vans on a street with a bassline twanging out a classical beat, Mozart, Bach, Tchaikovsky have been dishing out the tasty treats that we lovesky. Cos even if I had teeth that were prone to pain, id still bite a bit of ice and get a freezing brain, don’t be confused by my face, I’m aware that its plain, still Id take another bite and people think I’m insane. But I’m not though, just a blizzard wizard when my sensitivity does not show. Damn, I can feel it in my bones, I'm addicted to the pop and in need of a cone! Solero, Calippo, Feast, Vienetta, Twister, Mini milk, Mint Cornetto, Zap, Peep-Up, Fab, Mr Bubble, gimme Mr Whippy man or you’re in trouble. So what would you do with talent like mine? They’d find you chillin’ with a 99, maybe a pretty hungry lady feasting by your side. Everyday buying ices until your cards declined. That’s why I buy in bulk, so I never give myself a reason to sit, cry and sulk. There’s no way that there’ll ever be a day that ill be turning green raging about my lack of ice cream harder than the incredible hulk. You see me smiling, I’m getting all the wrinkles, spoon full of sugar, pocket full of sprinkles. How many Calippo shots do you think that I can drink without chewing it at all or puking icebergs up into a sink. Oh, you really wanna know? I couldn’t tell you, never tried but id rock though. I did once however eat a stack of Fabs within an episode of breaking bad and there was 12 Fabs to a box yo! Solero, Calippo, Feast, Vienetta, Twister, Mini milk, Mint Cornetto, Zap, Peep-Up, Fab, Mr Bubble, gimme Mr Whippy man or you’re in trouble.